God gave me back my JOY

I talk about Mark too much when I write. I know I do. But I can’t help it! It’s like Mark and God and I are all mixed up together, and it’s hard to talk about one without the other! My son Dan took advantage of this when he was younger (he’s in college now). He put a default word in for the word Mark. So one day I’m writing on the computer, about Mark of course, and I look up to see the word “stinky socks” all over the story I’m writing! “Hey, I didn’t write that!” , I think. It took me a few minutes to figure out what he did. Of course I didn’t know how to fix it so I had to wait until he got ome from school. Good one Dan!

So here I go again! We just took Mark to a Children’s Hospital in Phila. to see whether it is time for us to consider some tendon lengthening for his affected left arm and leg. It has been 10 years since his head injury and stroke and he is growing like a weed! This has made it much more difficult to stretch him out and get him into his splints. We thought some day he would need some surgery, but we didn’t know when. His therapist suggested we look into it so off to Phila. we went.

Let me give you a little history of me handling surgery for Mark. I DON’T!! Mark had 2 surgeries initially after his injury. Then he started recovering and improving. Then came the time to replace the piece of his skull that they had removed to allow his brain to swell and not cause damage. I did NOT do well at all during this surgery. I was so afraid of how far we had come and I was so afraid of losing him! He did just fine. In fact, when he woke up in his hospital room, my dad walked near his bed and he said, “Hi Pop”. My dad nor I will ever forget it! Then there was the eye muscle surgery. No big deal right? Wrong. I was soooo irrationally afraid that the doctor had to literally BEG me to let her do the surgery. Later she told me she never did anything so unprofessional and would never try to convince someone like that again. I’m a mess!

So now here we are again. But a lot of time has passed, and hopefully alot of spiritual growth has occurred in my life. They want to operate on his left arm and his left leg. It may help a little with function, and help with his walking ( I think he walks fine! See there I go again!) Everyone I tell says, “that’s great Jean!”. What are they hearing that I’m not saying? I’m saying, “they have to operate”. They are hearing, “maybe we can get some increased function in those limbs.”

Dear God, please help me focus on the end result and not the scary operation!
I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!